15:Too much talk, not enough rats

Robert Sullivan's Rats: A Year With New York's Most Unwanted Inhabitants promises much in the way of creepy rat-related thrills, as well as promising a history of some of New York's great rat high points, but I felt it failed to deliver on all these promises. Or else maybe my tolerance for rats has grown over the years. I was hoping for more talk about plague and about how rats live and about great rat outbreaks in the city, and I felt I got a little too much of him standing around in an alley with too much time on his hands and not enough rats. I also felt that some of the language likening people to rats was a little much (the scurrying, crowding, spending time in tunnels, living in cramped quarters, eating garbage, etc.) but maybe that's because some previous reader had helpfully highlighted some of these instances for me.

A little disappointing, but still containing some good rat tales (see what I did there?) and it's not a tough read at all.

16:Hercules Hunks and his friend Charlie

couldn't find a picture of this book anywhere. And yes, I know I could scan a picture of the copy I have, but I can't be arsed, see?
CV Wedgwood, as we all know, tramped across all of England and undertook Herculean research into the causes, course, and consequences of the English Civil War. Because everyone else was reading them, I too tried to read her Civil War books, but was not that interested in real history books at the time. However, having read a brief account of Charles I's trial in Virgin Earth (see below), I was interested enough to pick this book up (The Trial of Charles I) from the shop.

It's very interesting. The hilariously named Hercules Hunks was, in fact, a Republican guard tasked with watching Charles during one of his many imprisonments. Charles gave his gold toothpick case away to one of his servants just before he died. It took five days for the news of his death to reach Charles II in Holland, and even then he could only believe what he read in the actual newspapers, because there was so much rumour flying around up until then. This book is chock full of interesting little facts like these, as well as giving an excellent and clear account of how the trial went, and why it went the way it did. I am hooked on Wedgwood's writing style now, and am only sorry (because I am not that interested in reading about Mighty Wars) that she never got around to finishing her book about the English Republic.

Valentine's Day is over

This is Valentine. He's very *shy* and doesn't like having his photo taken, so we weren't able to get any good photos of him. He's a Yorkie who has some trouble with his back legs, but he's a little sweetheart of a dog really.

Poor Valentine was the most scared of all our fosters so far when he came to our house. I think it's because he was with another foster family and not being rescued by us from scary kennels. It took him hours to peel himself away from the front door, and days before he would actually be pleased to see me or Keith when we came into the room. But now he's going back to his other foster home where he can continue the physio on his back leg, and we can continue our search for Milo's best friend ever.

What we have learned from Valentine: Yorkies aren't just little balls of yap. They can be cuddly and they like to run on the beach too.

What Milo has learned from Valentine: small dogs don't like it when bigger dogs step on their heads and pee on them by accident. Also, the side passage of the house leads to the front of the house, so you can bark at your humans when they're around the front of the house as well as around the back (I could have done without Milo learning this, but oh well).

14:Really stretching myself

Wow, a Douglas Coupland followed by an Anne Tyler. I really am pushing my reading to the limits. And The Amateur Marriage feels like a real trudge of an Anne Tyler book, too. It's about families and how they weigh each other down and generate baggage and mess each other up, and all the things that many of her books are about, but somehow this one just seems, well, weighed down and full of baggade and messed up in a way that her earlier books are not.

I suppose it's partly the fact that she strips a lot of the romance out of this book. In a way, it's more real. These people aren't really quirky. They're not lovable and odd with cute careers that no-one has in real life. They don't have funny little mannerisms, but annoying little habits. It's as though, by making her book incredibly real, she has made it incredibly boring. I don't care about these people, and I'm pretty nosey.

13:More bloody god-bothering

After the joy of Hey, Nostradamus, with its bleak outlook on life and total lack of any happy ending, Eleanor Rigby is a return to (for me, at least) Douglas Coupland's annoying, quirky, childish, simplistic view of the world. Oh, if only things could turn up out of the blue to change our lives! Oh, if only we could all believe in God and have love in our hearts! Oh, if only...

He's such a good recorder of people's mannerisms and sayings, such a quick-sketch artist when it comes to pinpointing a mood or a trend, but his plots are ridiculous and his lazy, schmaltzy endings are just too much. The silly scraps of mottoes and supposed visions in this book are like some teenager's dream diary, and I really don't want to read another one of these. Another book about Vancouver, sure. But not this.

12:Time to consult the salmon

Mr. Phillips is not at work today. I don't want to tell you why he's not at work, but you'll find out soon enough.

Instead, he's walking around London meeting different people, calculating the odds against various things happening (Mr. Phillips is an accountant) and thinking about sex. A lot. There is a lot of talk about sex in this book, and talk about closeness without there really being any closeness.

Some reviewers think of this as a slight book, mistaking Mr. Phillips' lack of a rich internal life as a shortcoming of the book, but I can't believe that. I don't know London well, but I was there with him every step of the way. I am not a fiftyish accountant, but I felt like I was looking out of his eyes. A writer this good has not omitted an internal life because he doesn't know what to say, he's left it out because there isn't one. Instead there are calculations and memories of bland conversations, fear of letting other people down, worry about one's family, a whole host of tiny things that go to build up a picture of a complete, if not very exciting, man.

I really enjoyed this book. It's very, very funny. It's a quick read but there's a lot to digest afterwards. Impressive.

Pub Quiz Answers

Here are the answers.

Round 1 -- Fifty!

1. In the song, Lee drops off the key.
2. The film is Sunset Boulevard (of course it is).
3. Peanuts finished in 2000.
4. Paul McCartney released his first solo album in 1970.
5. Tonga was never a colony.
6. Apollo 13 was launched on April 11, 1970.
7. The first published book in that series is The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

Round 2 -- Films

1. If Moxy Heller's so fucking smart, how come he's so fucking dead?
2. Sex Panther comes from Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (or just Anchorman).
3. If first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado, and third prize is you're fired, then second prize is a set of steak knives (Glengarry Glen Ross).
4. The classic buddy film is Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
5. The Cary Grant protagonist is Mr Blandings, from Mr Blandings Builds His Dream House.
6. The prison scenes for those films were filmed in Kilmainham Gaol.
7. The neat and tidy Meath town is Trim.

Round 3 -- Non-Humans

1. Michael Collins owned a Kerry Blue called Convict 224.
2. The smallest species of penguin is the little penguin. Also called the blue penguin.
3. Bojack Horseman has friends called Princess Carolyn and Mr Peanutbutter.
4. Roquefort cheese is made from sheep's milk.
5. The 9th-century poem Pangur Bán is about a cat.
6. The hirundine family of birds contains swallows, swifts, and martins.
7. A "flutter" is a group of butterflies.

Round 4 -- Byrne Family Mythology

1. The film is Barry Lyndon (which was in Irish cinemas at the same time as Jaws, hence some poor punter's confusion).
2. The Minnesota Vikings wear purple.
3. The Scottish actor was Iain Glen. We were, of course, extremely cool and together about it.
4. We used to get our bread from Spicers, and the press secretary is Sean Spicer.
5. Tommy Tiernan is the comedian in question.
6. The full title is Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit.
7. Jill Byrne likes Helen Mirren, but she does not like Faye Dunaway.

Round 5 -- Dogs

Those dogs breeds are:

1. Tricoloured border collie
2. Jack Russell terrier
3. Italian spinone
4. Crossbreeds! The best kind of dog!
5. Dandy Dinmont terriers
6. German short-haired pointer
7. Borzoi

Round 6 -- Geography

1. The fictional town is Pawnee, Indiana.
2. Postman Pat and the college from Community are both in Greendale.
3. Oklahoma is the Sooner State.
4. Portugal's highest peak is on Pico, in the Azores.
5. The UK town that has a statue of a Martian tripod is Woking, Surrey.
6. The bright flash in the sky came from Chernobyl.
7. The Irish coffee was invented at Foynes airport in County Limerick. That's where it was invented, that's the place. Not Shannon. Foynes.

Round 7 -- General Knowledge

1. Michael Fassbender swam to New York to apologise.
2. CC stands for carbon copy, even now.
3. Tetris is the second-best-selling paid download game (at time of writing).
4. The Tara Brooch is supposed to have been found on Bettystown beach.
5. The Corrs have been called sticky, shouty, fiddly, and the man.
6. Iron-Eyes Cody was actually Sicilian.
7. Immanuel Kant was a real pissant.

Round 8 -- Fill in the Blanks

1. Lady Gaga was in the 2018 A Star is Born.
2. Henry Cavill took over as Superman in 2016.
3. Johnny Depp played Ichabod Crane in 1999.
4. Little House on the Prairie was published in 1935.
5. The Rime of the Ancient Mariner was published in 1798.
6. Destiny's Child are Kelly, Michelle, and Beyoncé.
7. Billy Dee Williams was rebooted as Donald Glover.

Round 9 -- Mash-Ups

1. Croke Park Chan-Wook
2. Rio Ferdinand
3. As-Da Da Da
4. Jason Alexander Hamilton
5. Clon-Mel Giedroyc
6. Johnny Logan's Run

Sunshine on Laytown

Freezing cold this morning, yet somehow Lady is managing to struggle through what could be her very last day with us.

I think I am a bit of a rubbish fosterer. I get too attached.

Also the house smells of wet dog now, because Milo's just had his bath. Having been used to the titanic struggle that ensued whenever Layla had to have a bath, I had completely cleared my schedule for the afternoon to allow time to recover, but Milo just stood there and took it like a little trouper.

We won't know the extent of the trauma till the next time, however.

Original comments:
We're thinking of getting dogs when I'm finished on tour. We think we'll get a great big dog like a Bernese Mountain dog and a teeny little one like a Jack Russell. That will be funny!
Posted by Ed on Mar. 07 2005, at 11:14 PM Delete
And will the big one be called Tiny?
Posted by watchdog on Mar. 08 2005, at 3:28 PM Delete
no reckon he's going to be called bert or sid and the little teensy one will be called tarquin or crispin, and have a little bruiser with a posh name running around and a really posh dog with an ordinary name. oh the irony
Posted by on Mar. 08 2005, at 5:44 PM Delete
oops i didn't say who i was
Posted by bunty on Mar. 08 2005, at 5:45 PM Delete
Maybe we should add the ability to change the name after the comment is posted. Hmm.
Posted by watchdog on Mar. 08 2005, at 6:02 PM Delete
Seems a shame we haven't had time to put up any photos of Valentine (crap name, cute dog) yet. Lady is so last week.
Posted by watchdog on Mar. 08 2005, at 6:08 PM Delete,

They never tell you this in Country Life

Caelen said "so this is what life is like in the country", and of course, it is one big round of dog-walking and fun. The great thing about being out here is that when the weather is cold and crap you could be anywhere, but when you've got a sunny morning, like this morning, you can really take the dogs out and let them run their little legs off. They've stopped bickering now, anyway, and are asleep in the kitchen.

The thing they don't tell you is that you're far more likely to get some sort of cold-related skin condition. I've had this terrible dermatitis for the last few weeks. The backs of my hands are red and itchy and sore and the skin is starting to crack on them. This condition has now spread to my legs, specifically the backs of my knees. I've never had anything like this before. The chemist said that he is seeing a lot of this at the moment and it's because it's bloody freezing outside and everyone's got the central heating on, so you're going from cold to hot to cold again. So far, so normal.

The thing is that out here in sunny Laytown we've got two extra factors that exacerbate the condition. One: the wind from the sea has salt in it, which saltblasts your skin. Two: the water is really, really hard here.

The only good thing is that the treatment for this skin condition is Silcock's Base, an aqueous cream that costs €4 for an enormous great tub of it. I'm not sure I'd go putting it on my face, because it is grease city, but it seems to do the trick.

Original comments:
Yes, Big Sam Glendenning suffers from this every year and swears by this stuff. Also that Norwegian hand cream that's in the ad with the norwegian woman who is wearing a wooly jumper and wellies and NO TIGHTS in a rowing boat.
Posted by Lorraine on Mar. 01 2005, at 4:39 PM Delete
I've become very familiar with Sicock's base of late. It's Denali's fav after bath threatment
Posted by Caelen on Mar. 01 2005, at 6:21 PM Delete
It's bloody great stuff. I shall never be without it again, even if I do have dreams about swimming the English Channel when I have it on in bed.
Posted by trish on Mar. 02 2005, at 12:47 PM Delete
Silcock's Base is great. I too have to slather myself in unguents (ooh er missus) in weather like this, or else I get horrible dry cracked skin as well.

If you feel like treating yourself to something more expensive but nice-smelling, Lush do a fancified version called Dream Cream that has various skin-nicening essential oils in it as well. It is lurvely, and doesn't frighten my sensitive skin.
Posted by Lisa on Mar. 08 2005, at 12:03 PM Delete

Stay Lady, Stay

This is Lady. She's staying with us for a while to be a friend for Milo. She could end up staying with us for a very long while, but hopefully her owners can be traced. Someone bothered to have her spayed, quite recently too, and she's a cutie of a dog. She has massive ears and big brown eyes and she likes to run like a loon. She gets that great greyhound face on her when she runs really fast, as if there are several Gs pressing her face into a grin.

For all that I'd love her to stay here, it certainly was easier to manage just one dog, and she could well have an owner out there somewhere pining for her.

Original comments:
She's a very pretty, dog though it's a shame that her tail is docked. She seems very *fond* of milo.
Posted by watchdog on Feb. 28 2005, at 3:01 PM Delete
It's very funny to see the dynamic between them. Lady keeps finding old bits of bone in the back garden from when Ned was here. She brings them inside and chews them and Milo takes them away from her when she's not looking, because they're his toys, even if he never showed any interest in them before she came along.
Although he was very excited this morning to have another dog to run around with, he's now in the mood for his afternoon nap, and she's a bit too perky for him.
Posted by on Feb. 28 2005, at 3:34 PM Delete
So this is what life is like in the country
Posted by caelen on Mar. 01 2005, at 1:38 PM Delete

11:Don't read the blurb on the back!

Tulip Fever is a fun historical romp by Deborah Moggach. It's a very easy read, but intelligent for all that and contains some great imagery, like a good Dutch painting.

I can't really tell you much more than that without giving away the story, so all I can really say is don't read the blurb before the book, it tells you details that you're better off not knowing before you start.

New dog, new danger

Here's Milo. He's our new foster and different to Ned in almost every way. He's a demonstrative, licky dog who doesn't really like being alone. The great thing about him, though, is that he just needs you to be in the room and he's happy. He doesn't really need you to do anything spectacular like play with him or talk to him. If you want to read a book, he'll sit on your lap and go asleep.

He's a dote. I hope he gets a good home soon. He had to come to us because the Drogheda Animal Rescue centre had to leave its current premises before the new one is finished, and they've had to farm out their animals to foster homes, like ours.

Original comments:
I'd love a dog, but Barbara won't let me
Posted by caelen on Feb. 21 2005, at 9:29 AM Delete
You have a baby , they're much better.

Except you can't leave them on their own all day when they're only a few months old. Cuh. Bloody nanny state.
Posted by on Feb. 21 2005, at 11:45 AM Delete
You need to form a support group with Eamonn & Caroline.
Posted by Simon on Feb. 21 2005, at 11:16 PM Delete

Bye bye Ned

This is Ned. He's an English setter who stayed with us this week so that we could test out a dog for a bit before deciding whether or not to get one of our own. The jury's still kind of out.

Cons of owning a dog:

It's non-stop poo which you have to clean up.
You have to be a responsible adult.
You have to take the dog for walks every day even if it's raining or cold.
It's expensive.
Dogs eat a lot.
Way more than cats.
Pros of owning a dog:

You have someone to go for a walk with you, every day.
Your dog loves you.
Loads.
It's a dog, and only fools don't like dogs.
You can get two dogs and call them Louie and Louie.
So, we'll see. Fostering Ned was a very positive experience. He is a good dog who is super to walk on the beach with. He goes asleep in a corner when you're not doing anything interesting for him to poke his nose into. But he's not very affectionate and doesn't make any noise, which I think makes him kind of eerie. Still, he's off to his new home in Bristol tomorrow. I hope he'll be really happy.

Original comments:
How did the cats react to a dog?
Posted by Mark (Keiths col.) on Feb. 18 2005, at 4:32 PM Delete
Killick never came downstairs the entire time the dog was in the house. Linus kept trying to get in to the room that the dog was in and then acting all surprised to find a bloody great dog there.
Most of all, though, the cats were pissed off that our focus shifted from them to another animal. They're very happy today, everything's back to normal.
They will not be pleased tomorrow when the new dog comes.
Posted by trish on Feb. 18 2005, at 4:56 PM Delete
My mother's concerned that when we have Dizzy in a house in Dublin the entire back garden will fill with poo overnight, as a result of which we will have to surf through poo.
Posted by wwhyte on Feb. 20 2005, at 6:58 PM Delete

10:Lanark with licks

You see, Milo agrees with Iain Banks that this is one of the most important works of Scottish fiction ever. He points out to me that it contains elements of allegory, science fiction, kitchen sink drama, poetry, and post-modernism.

He also explains that it might be time for some chicken now.

I retort that I am less than fond of books that feature the authorial voice as a character, that the ending of the book drags, which is annoying in such a long book that you've invested so much energy in. But I agree with him that the book is funny, the character of Lanark is wonderfully painted, and that the depiction of Glasgow both in the real post-war world and the peculiar through-the-looking-glass world is breathtaking.

This is a book well worth reading. I'm also impressed that, while published in 1981, the book was germinating since at least 1958, when one of the earlier chapters was a runner-up in the Observer short story competition. Hope for us all.

Milo explains Lanark

I've almost finished Lanark: A Life in 4 Books by Alasdair Gray, and it turns out to be everything that the kids on ILB claimed. However, I am finding the last 100 pages very hard going. Luckily I have Milo to help me.

Romance is never dead when the dead are up and about

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, and both Keith and I are extremely broke, and anyway Ned is staying with us at the moment, so we couldn't really go out for poshy food or even successfully cook (what with big doggy snout getting into everything and wondering what treats you have in store for him (and that's just Keith! See what I did there? Do you?)) so Keith kindly offered to take the day off work and hang out here with me.

Our first romantic film was Keith's choice. Resident Evil 2: Apocalypse is, on the surface, not the kind of film you would let me watch, being as it is, full of zombies. You all know the story, or similar stories at least. Big corporation trying to breed superhuman mutated futuristic soldiers, accidentally releases virus into the water table (or something), hey presto, zombie attack. Only in Apocalypse the emphasis is more on the superhuman soldiers that the evil corporation did manage to create, namely Mila Jovovich and her (now ex-, given his zombie status) boyfriend. The dialogue is piss-poor, the story is refreshingly close to a computer game, but it's a very nicely shot film and manages to remain cheesily exciting throughout. And it's only about an hour and a half long. Much better than that tedious computer-generated thing that was out a few years ago, and all the live actors are so pretty and plastic that they kind of look computer-generated anyway, so everyone's a winner.

Original comments:
Not as good as the first which is more claustrophobic but definitely good crack. Am I the only person who thought that the Final Fantasy film wasn't utter crap?
Posted by watchdog on Feb. 15 2005, at 11:17 AM Delete
I think Andrew liked it as well, but he might have been too scared to say so because I was sitting beside him, hating every minute of it.
Posted by trish on Feb. 15 2005, at 11:21 AM Delete
I tried to appreciate it on several levels throughout the film, but in fact it was and is pants.

RE2 is great fun. Proposition: there is absolutely no way back to the great seventies paranoid thrillers, because it's the default these days that all companies, governments etc are crooked.
Posted by Andrew on Mar. 1 2005, at 11:30 AM Delete

New swears, please!

Either Americans really do think it's cute when attractive, well-spoken English men say "shit" and "bugger", or English film-makers just think they do, because here's Paul Bettany doing it all the way through Wimbledon. And looking fine in Fred Perry tennis whites to boot.

There's not a lot to say about this film. It's not that funny. It's not that well written. Apart from the carefully orchestrated rain that stops some crucial play, it takes place in that Working Title England where all parents are irascible old sweeties, England in summer is always sunny and warm enough for wearing floaty dresses, and international tennis stars in the middle of the most important tournament of their lives think nothing of motoring down to Brighton for the day. But it is quite sweet and it has a whole rake of immensely likeable actors in it, and Paul Bettany looking very nice in his tennis whites. Wait, I already said that.

He does really look very nice in his tennis whites, though.

Not confusing enough for you? How about if I shake the camera about some more? Confused now?

Some years ago I watched a film with someone who not only could not tell the difference between Gene Hackman and Clint Eastwood, he or she couldn't tell the difference between Clint Eastwood in the daytime and Clint Eastwood at night. For the benefit of such people are Merchant Ivory films made. The Bourne Supremacy is not for those people. Not because the story is particularly confusing, because it's not, but because the actors all kind of look the same (with the exception of Brian Cox) and the camera work is that fuzzy, hand held, jiggle-it-about kind of camera work that, combined with fast editing, means you cannot follow a single thing and if you fall asleep for a few minutes in the middle of the film, as I did, you wake up not even knowing who is being chased around Moscow.

That said, I like the sensibility of the Bourne films. They take place in old Cold War locations like Moscow and Berlin, they are not hugely flashy and don't involve colossally elaborate stunts and setups. They don't involve one-liners and wisecracks and a lot of extraneous crap. You piss Jason Bourne off, Jason Bourne hunts you down and kills you. What could be simpler? If everyone wasn't wearing black and they could have kept the camera in one place for just a few minutes, I would have really liked this film.

The woman in the video shop told us it had a great car chase too. Normally I eschew car chases, finding them dull and screechy, but she was right. It is a great car chase.

And one I won't be finishing

I don't know if it's because I just finished the Mary Renault, with her straight ahead, no messing around, let's get the story told, Billy Wilder-style prose, or if this book is actually a colossal load of crap, but The Great Fire and I did not get off to a great start. As Keith says, just as punk was supposed to have killed off prog rock, so Hemingway was supposed to have nailed (ha ha) this kind of Virginia Woolf flowery crap.

So, unless someone can tell me that it all gets better and I really was just suffering some brief psychosis, I don't think I'll be finding out just what's so great about this fire. Thanks all the same.

Original comments:
Everyone who's finished it loved it, apparently. I read the first page and then left it by the window and it got rained on and now the pages are crinkly and unpleasant to turn.
Posted by wwhyte on Feb. 09 2005, at 10:03 PM Delete
'Virginia Wolf flowery crap'?! Patricia, I'm very disappointed in you. The Great One would never have let such sloppy language linger on the page. you are not fit to lick her patent leather button boots. Which are probably cracked and peeling now after that little soaking.
Posted by Lorraine on Feb. 11 2005, at 10:24 AM Delete
Woolf, I meant.
Posted by Lorraine on Feb. 11 2005, at 10:26 AM Delete
Maybe I was just tired. But until someone can come up with a compelling reason to read this book, I ain't bothering.
Posted by on Feb. 15 2005, at 10:54 AM Delete

9: Better than Colin Farrell

The last book of Mary Renault's Alexandriad, Funeral Games tells the story of the struggle for power that took place after Alexander's death. It is a testament to Renault's power as a storyteller that she manages to keep all strands of the story interesting, clear, and personal to the reader. The main lesson to be taken from this book (and indeed, from all three of the these excellent books), is don't fuck with Alexander's mother.

These books have a great reputation for being scrupulously researched, so if you want to know stuff about Alexander and you don't want to sit through three hours of an Oliver Stone film, this could be your answer.