Long story short, I'm embarked on the process of doing something about it, for what I swear is going to be the last time. Three weeks into this current effort and everything is going fine, except that my counsellor (I would say "diet lady", but I'm trying to think of the way I eat now as basically the way I will eat for all time, because that's how you do it, really) has set me a task that I'm finding quite difficult.
"List ten non-food, non-booze rewards or treats."
Why is that hard? Because I get as far as this:
1) Have a nap.
2) Daydream about telly people I have crushes on.
And then I get no further. I know what's expected here. What's expected is a list like this:
1) Have a nap.
2) Have the daydreaming.
3) Get a manicure/pedicure.
4) Get someone in the beauty industry to smear gunk on some ungunked part of me.
5) Have my hair done.
6) Buy a new book.
7) Buy some new shoes.
8) Have a massage.
9) Light a scented candle.
10) Have a bath.
And that was the list I was going to go with until I started giving this some serious consideration, just to keep the counsellor happy (I know that's not how counselling works, but sometimes doing it any other way creates too much anxiety, which makes me want to eat). Nevertheless, that is a crap list for someone like me. I don't like being rubbed or gunked or handled except for medical or conjugal purposes, so that's all out. And I don't like baths, they are boring. And I was hoping that this new, healthier eating lifestyle would result in me buying less crap, not more, different crap.
So what are my treats and rewards? This was the list I finally came up with, after some careful consideration.
- Have a nap.
- Put on McAlmont & Butler's "Yes" and sing along.
- Lie on the bed, put "Hoppipolla" on the headphones and make a little daydream video.
- Give away one thing I can't stand but have been keeping because someone I like gave it to me.
- Re-read my favourite passages in books I've already read (this reduces the risk that the book might be crap).
- Have the car valeted, and don't clean it out beforehand or anything.
- Get a dogwalker to walk the dogs, and do not use the time to read animal rescue message boards or do any housework.
- Buy a bubble machine and some bacon-flavour bubbles and watch the dogs play with it.
And now I've done my homework, I deserve a little treat. So do you, if you've read this far.