Saturday, July 17, 2010

Women of Size! Remain Indoors!

If you are not a fat woman, you have no idea what it's like trying to buy fat-woman clothes. I'm not going to bore you with a discussion of whether or not it's sensible for Evans to sell skirts that are almost wider than they are long, nor will I get into a debate about whether fat women should really wear sleeveless t-shirts. I'm not even going to whine on about how Anne Harvey appear to think that everyone must dress like a mother of the bride all the time. Those things are a matter of taste. But I'll tell you this much: if you are a fat woman, you better get used to your clothes being wet, because nobody in Dublin is going to sell you a coat that keeps you dry.

And even those nice people on the Internet who specialize in selling the kind of fat-lady garments it's impossible to get in actual shops in Ireland have failed me on the one thing I need above everything else to get through the Irish summer: a light, waterproof, hooded jacket. A cagoule/kagoul/pac-a-mac kind of thing. It's all I want. I want to tie it around my waist and go out walking with the dogs, and when it rains I want to pull the jacket over my head and be dry, but not absolutely baked. I got one from Lands End a couple of years ago, but it's no longer waterproof and they no longer sell that type of jacket. I have an Outdoor Scene jacket that almost, almost fits, and in a month or so it will fit, but it doesn't fit yet and it's raining now and I have to go and walk the dogs in it now.

I've searched everywhere. My friend in Seattle thinks she might have tracked down what I'm looking for, so I'm going to order one and see if it's the right thing, but if I didn't have a friend in Seattle helping me to find these things, what would I do? Just fucking get wet? That's not right, surely. I can't be the only fat woman in Ireland who ever goes out in the rain, so how come I seem to be the only one who ever needs a summer raincoat?

I know, I know, first world problems.


Queenie said...

If you tell me your size I can always get you something in the Mountain Equipment Coop here and post it over. Twould be a pleasure to do so.

Trish Byrne said...

Thanks, that would be great. I will mail you now in a minute.

Dave Berry said...

As we have summer rain in Scotland, too, I would quite like to have a cagoule that is long enough to cover a work-type jacket. I haven't found one yet (not that I've been applying myself to looking for more than, say, 0.001% of my time).

One day, perhaps clothes shops will sell things that are actually useful.

Mark said...

Presumably dogs etc. take up both hands and the umbrella solutiomn isn't an option?

Evil Cheese Scientist said...

Finding a proper lightweight waterproof is not easy for anyone as far as I can see, at least one of the claims made of the garment (light, waterproof) will be inaccurate in our experience.

Umbrellas are the work of a very mean imp from the bowels of an evil sub division of hell.